At Least He's Not as Bad as Herbert Hoover

"Safety Second"

"Next: Wonderful new Free Religion Zones are created, where non-Christian Americans can worship, live and work! Please report to designated train stations for free transportation."

"I deeply resent the destruction of federalism represented by Hillary Clinton's willingness go into a state she doesn't even live in and pretend to represent people there, so I certainly wouldn't imitate it."

Terror Alert Timeline (via Martini Republic)

Sweet Jesus, I hate Bill O'Reilly.

"On the anecdotal front, he notes that lobsters work hard to escape the 212-degree water, hooking their claws over the sides of kitchen pots and thrashing around, audibly, during the 30 seconds or so it takes them to die. 'The lobster, in other words, behaves very much as you or I would behave if we were plunged into boiling water,' he writes. 'If you permit yourself to think that lobsters can suffer and would rather not, the [Maine Lobster Festival] can begin to take on aspects of something like a Roman circus or medieval torture-fest.'"

"Master of the Universe, have mercy upon us and upon the borders of our village and do not allow the persecution to come inside our home; please remove from upon us the plague of the artists, so that we shall not drown in evil waters, and so that they shall not come to our residence to ruin it."

"It is through the truthful exercising of the best of human qualities--respect for others, honesty about ourselves, faith in our ideals--that we come to life in God's eyes. It is how our soul, as a nation and as individuals, is revealed. Our American government has strayed too far from American values."

According to McLaughlin, several recent entries on PrezGeorgeW.typepad.com have compromised military operations, while other posts may have seriously undercut the PR efforts of White House press secretary Scott McClellan:

Talking to Cheney and realized I forgot the nuclear launch codes again. It's so simple, too. My birthday, Dad's birthday, and then 1776.

Bush said he could not understand McLaughlin's anger, characterizing his blog as a "personal thing written for friends and family or whoever" and therefore "none of the CIA's business."

"Right now, the president insists it's his right to have it, as long as he doesn't work on it during White House work hours," McLaughlin said. "But I believe we'll be able to convince him, if we let him calm down. And even if we don't, frankly, I can't see the blog holding his interest for too long."

"The Bush Regime will stop at nothing to keep Americans afraid. We now know it will sit on information for months so that it can time terror announcements for the greatest political gain."

"It's like you find an old newspaper from a few years ago that carried a warning that a tornado could strike somewhere in the U.S.--and so you panic and immediately hide in the southwest corner of your basement. Everyone else would think you to be a fool, and after a few hours, even you begin to wonder exactly how long you should stay down there."

"...it was revealed that the Census Bureau has been giving population statistics on Arab-Americans, broken down by zip code, to the Department of Homeland Security."

"...ever since America was founded 1,000 years ago..."

"Connecticut: My Kinda State. My Kinda People."

"Michael Moore mops the floor with Bill O'Reilly as the mop."

"What do you have that is vegetarian?" I asked the waiter, Ian.
"We have a variety of tasty fish and chicken dishes, as well as pasta."
"When you say 'fish' and 'chicken,' are you somehow implying these are not the standard animal variety, but a genetically modified plant product?"
"Nooo..." he said, dully referencing his high school biology. "We have pasta and an assortment of salads," he turned my menu right side up and pointed to these sections. I closed my menu and sat on it. It was cool beneath my pantiless bottom.
"Hmmmmm. I don't like reading menus, it's so impersonal." I told him, thinking it would bring us closer together. "Tell me, Ian, what sort of salads do you have?"

"'Why don't they get new jobs if they're unhappy--or go on Prozac?' said Susan Sheybani, an assistant to Bush campaign spokesman Terry Holt." (via Martini Republic)

"A lot has been said that they're moving to the center. Hell, it looked more like they were trying to light some dynamite under the center and move it closer to them."

"Are you kidding? How do you think I get all the ladies?" (via eric.buzzword.com)

"Before you buy a sleeping bag, night vision goggles and bus tickets to a year’s worth of Mr. Shatner's speaking engagements, take this simple quiz."

"Well, we're not quite ready to believe that this is true, and our great War Peace President is a 'scrip junkie, just on the say so of a relatively obscure web news site. We're not the type of scoundrel like, say, Instapundit or Roger Simon, who run with every smear Drudge sees fit to put on his website, ready to latch onto any potentially damaging accusation against those who differ with us politically... But, on the other hand, it would 'splain a lot."

"For those pondering the age-old question as to what a man wears beneath his kilt, in Reuben's case it will be an Active 5+ Junior Pampers nappy."

"He gestured to himself and said, 'The best part of the Convention is right here. This is uncontrolled and spontaneous.' And that's the thing. These guys see themselves as newsmakers."

Personally, I'd go with "The Rising."

Remember, drink responsibly: "Is there anything not worth drinking to?"

"Iraq is now 'a rising democracy, an ally in the war on terror, and the American people are safer for it,' Cheney, 63, told Marines here."

...or...

"He uses the occasion of his first national speech to remind us that all Americans share common dreams and values, and that Red and Blue States are fiction, and the United States a reality."

"DID YOU CATCH TRADING SPOUSES ON FOX? If so, not only are you kind of a dickhead (note: In my opinion!), and not only do you now fit into a demographic category that drives Chrysler PT Cruisers, wears pleated Dockers khakis, and thinks the Barenaked Ladies totally ROCK, but you missed THIS GUY."

"In a matter of days, a third-hand, unsubstantiated rumor blossoms into a hand-held device that can do everything except find a girlfriend for a fat, smelly nerd."

"Almost half the women said they preferred single life because it was easier to keep their homes tidy and 36 percent said with no man on the scene they didn't have to endure watching sports on television." (via Neva)

"It was reported that some boys who were given Risperdal in Florida, where it is used as a 'chemical restraint' in state facilities, developed lactating breasts."

"...strength and wisdom are not conflicting values..."

"I believe tonight, as I always have, that the essential decency, compassion and common sense of the American people will prevail. And so I say to you and to others around the world, whether they wish us well or ill: do not underestimate us Americans. We lack neither strength nor wisdom."

"Not many Republicans in the business community want to own up to the fact that the financial markets have been in a bear since the beginning of the year. ...even conservatives can see now that it has mostly been attributable to fear of Bush record deficit spending."

"Did you get the whole subtext-thing about how much I think you suck? Because sometimes I can be a little *too* subtle."

"There is no sweeter, more empowering sound than the sound of an unanswered phone or doorbell. You can even sing a little lighthearted song to yourself while you wait for them to hang up or go away, something along the lines of, 'La la la, I'm not answering, la la la, I'm not talking to you...'"

"Curveball!?" Does the press suffer from groupthink or retardation? (via Martini Republic)

"Flying Home"

"She was high on diet coke and her own diaper fumes or she may have eventually come to understand how much closer we were to Enlightenment as my partially boiled lobster finally completed our connection with his one angry pincer."

"There are not enough punk monks in this world." (via Nomen Est Numen)

But it would be very convenient...

"We pray for the unemployed, the overworked, for those who work in the mass media."

"My overall encapsulation is that the public will be overwhelmingly surprised at how many people coming back from Iraq will not vote for George W. Bush."

"Note that I vehemently wrote more than three mails to you as regards a good measure for your contract payment but you did not seem to listen to me."

But will it neutralize The Passion of the Christ?

What will you do on your summer vacation?

Now that's bad timing.

Really bad timing.

Really.

Isn't campaign spin and rhetoric supposed to at least be plausible?

• Bush reportedly told the group, "I trust God speaks through me. Without that, I couldn't do my job."

• "Four more years and America will be safe and the world will be at peace."

• "You're probably here thinking I'm going to spend most of the time attacking my opponent," Bush told the crowd. "I've got too much good to talk about."

They're right: The stadium is a spectacularly bad idea.

Doing any of the following while speaking to me will convey only that you're an idiot--any other information that you seek to impart will be lost:

• Using nouns as verbs ("to impact," "to brand," etc.).

• Dropping syllables from words ("San Fran" or "Frisco" for "San Francisco,""reorg" for "reorganization" or, worse, "reorged" for "reorganized," and so on).

There's simply no excuse.

So just what is he then?

Should this even be necessary?

We'll find someone to attack yet.

Good. I hate the Mexican football team.

Cheaper and smaller... w00t!

Why exactly does Apple have a problem?